Because I always seemed to function “normally,” no one, not even myself, thought of autism.
From the outside, everything seemed fine. I went to work, socialized, handled everyday life, and kept going. Inside, however, appearing “normal” often took an enormous amount of energy.
For years, I thought I was simply highly sensitive. I thought I got tired too quickly around people, made too much of certain things, or just needed to try harder. Later, I realized that many of these experiences were connected to my autism.
1. I Get Easily Overstimulated
There are days when I reach the end of a workday and feel like I cannot handle one more sound, conversation, light, or movement.
Sometimes I need to go straight into a quiet, dark room just to recover. It is not that I do not want to be around people. My brain simply feels like it has had enough.
2. Certain Sounds Can Be Overwhelming
Some sounds affect me much more strongly than they seem to affect other people.
Scooters, drilling, sanding, or even my daughter crying can become so overwhelming that I cannot concentrate on anything else. When too many sounds happen at once, my first reaction can be wanting everything to stop immediately.
3. Social Situations Take a Lot of Energy
Groups and small talk are not always easy for me. 😅
Even when I enjoy seeing people, social situations can leave me completely exhausted afterward. If I know I am going to meet people I do not know well, I sometimes think about conversation topics beforehand because it helps me feel more prepared.
What may look like a normal social interaction from the outside can take a lot of mental energy.
4. I Am Very Direct and Honest
I am not very good at pretending or lying.
My face also tends to reveal exactly what I am thinking, even when I wish it would not. If I do not like something, there is a good chance my expression will say it before I do. 😅
Being direct is not always easy socially, but it is simply part of how I communicate.
5. I Can Hyperfocus for Hours
When something really catches my attention, I can become completely absorbed in it.
I can work for hours and forget to eat, drink, move, or take a proper break. At the time, I may feel completely focused and productive. Afterwards, though, I can become extremely overstimulated and exhausted.
6. Unexpected Changes Are Difficult for Me
I function much better when I know what to expect.
Last-minute changes can feel like an ERROR in my brain. 🫣 Even a small change in plans can be difficult when I have already prepared myself mentally for what was supposed to happen.
Having some predictability helps me feel calmer and more in control.
7. Eye Contact Feels Uncomfortable
Eye contact can take more concentration than people realize.
During conversations, I often look away naturally. When I consciously try to maintain eye contact, part of my attention can become focused on where I should look instead of fully listening to the person speaking.
For me, looking away does not mean I am not interested. Sometimes it actually helps me listen.
Masking Can Be Exhausting
For a long time, I thought that because I could function, work, socialize, and get through everyday responsibilities, autism could not possibly explain what I was experiencing.
But functioning on the outside does not always tell the whole story.
Masking can mean learning to copy social behaviors, suppressing natural reactions, forcing yourself through uncomfortable situations, or trying very hard to appear like everything is easy. When you do this for years, it can take a huge amount of energy.
Looking Back Helped Me Understand Myself
Learning about autism gave me a different way of understanding experiences I had spent years criticizing myself for.
I was not simply “too sensitive.” I was not trying to make a fuss. I was not failing at being social.
There was a reason some things required so much more energy for me than they seemed to require for other people.
Autism Does Not Look the Same for Everyone
These are my personal experiences, not a checklist for diagnosing autism.
Autism can look very different from one person to another, and experiencing some of these characteristics does not automatically mean someone is autistic. A proper assessment should consider a person’s broader history, development, communication, sensory experiences, and daily life.
For me, understanding these signs in hindsight helped me understand myself with a little more kindness.
Which of these experiences do you recognize in yourself?
Medical Disclaimer
This article is based on personal experience and is for general educational purposes. The experiences described here do not by themselves establish an autism diagnosis. If you think you may be autistic, consider speaking with a qualified healthcare professional or autism specialist who can discuss your experiences and appropriate assessment options.
References
- American Psychiatric Association. Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, Text Revision (DSM-5-TR).
- National Institute of Mental Health. Autism Spectrum Disorder.
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. Autism Spectrum Disorder.
- World Health Organization. Autism.
